I called my wife approximately 37 times the other day. I was at the grocery store — sent there, by her, to “pick up a few things” while she finished up homework with the kids and prepped the water to boil for our spaghetti noodles…
*RING-RING*
“Hello?”
“Hey, babe. Do we get thin spaghetti or angel hair or what?”
“Um. Let’s go with angel hair. Ben likes thin noodles.”
“OK, cool. Thanks.”
“My pleasure.”
*CLICK*
:38 seconds…
*RING-RING*
“Hello?”
“You said to get ‘angel hair’, but then you said, ‘thin’. Which is it?”
“I said, get angel hair.”
“OK. But ‘Ben likes thin’, you said.”
“Right. Angel hair is thin.”
“But there’s thin spaghetti, too.”
“It’s called ‘thin’, but Ben likes angel hair.”
“…K”
“Just get the angel hair.”
“Got it.”
“And don’t forget bread.”
“OK. See you in a few minutes.”
“Bye. Love you.”
“Love you, too.”
*CLICK*
:19 seconds…
*RING-RING*
“Yes?”
“White bread or wheat bread?”
“Italian bread.”
“Huh?”
“Get Italian bread.”
“Oh.”
“We’re having spaghetti. We need bread for the spaghetti.”
“Oooooh. I thought you meant sandwich bread. Got it.”
“OK.”
“See you in a few.”
“OK.”
“OK. Love you.”
“Love you ,too.”
*CLICK*
:47 seconds…
*RING-RING*
“Really?”
“Sorry. Last thing.”
“What?”
“You just wrote ‘cheese’ on the list.”
“Parmesan Cheese.”
“OK. You didn’t put ‘Parmesan’, so…”
“We’re having spaghetti. We need parmesan cheese for the spaghetti.”
“Yep. Got it. Anything else?”
“Nope. Just the stuff on the list.”
“Cool. And when you wrote salad…”
“Caesar Salad!”
“In the bag?”
“In the what?”
“In the bag?”
“Caesar Salad. Yes… In the bag.”
“Perfect. See you in a few minutes. Love you”
“……”
*CLICK*
:29 seconds…
*RING-RING*
“For godsakes, Billy.”
“Sorry! Just wondering if we need drinks.”
“We have drinks.”
“Do we have tea? Because tea is on sale.”
“I know tea is on sale.”
“Do you want for me to get some?”
“Is it on the list?”
“No. But I didn’t know if you knew it was on sale.”
“I did know that it is on sale.”
“But you didn’t put it on the list.”
“Because we don’t need tea.”
“We have tea?”
“No.”
“But…”
“You know what? Get tea.”
“Really?”
“Sure.”
“OK. One or two gallons?”
*CLICK*
:06 seconds…
*RING-RING*
“Whaaat?!”
“Sorry! You didn’t answer me.”
“What?!”
“One or two gallons?”
“…..”
“Hello?”
“One.”
“One?”
“Yep.”
“For all of us?”
“We have drinks!”
“OK! Jeez! I’ll see you in a few minutes! I lov…”
*CLICK*
19 minutes
*RING-RING*
“Hello?”
“Hey. Are you OK?”
“What?”
“Are you OK?”
“I’m fine. Where are you?”
“Because you don’t sound OK.”
“I’m fine. Where are you?”
At the store.”
“You’re still at the store?”
“Yeah, why?”
“It’s been almost an hour!”
“Well, you didn’t put what kind of ice cream, so I’ve been looking.”
“For ice cream?”
“Yeah.”
“Did you find it? Aisle 7.”
”Yes. I found it. How did you…”
”Are you on your way home?”
“Not yet.”
“Why not!?”
“I.…”
“Hello?!”
“Y…..”
“Hello?!
“What kind of…”
“Vanilla! Get vanilla.”
“OK. That’s all you had to say. I’ll be home in a few minutes.”
“Bye.”
“B…”
*CLICK*
3 minutes
*RING-RING*
“….”
“Breyers, or Blue Bell?”
*CLICK*