Math is dumb and I am getting rid of XBOX.

School is back, which mostly means that the yelling about Fortnite and not cleaning their rooms will soon turn to yelling about homework and not cleaning their rooms. 

That’s pretty much the only difference, really. I don’t understand Fortnite, and I definitely don’t understand their homework, so basically my entire life is yelling at children about things I can’t comprehend.

And while we’re at it (but please don’t tell my wife I said this because she will leave me and I need her around to make casseroles and manage finances), I don’t really understand why they have to clean their rooms, either. I mean, what do I care if there are dirty socks on the floor and their shoes or Legos haven’t been put away? 

Actually, those things are pretty important.

Have you ever been late for something, and you’re running around like a crazy person trying to get ready so you can get Kid A to practice before you have to pick Kid B up from church and then drop Kid C at her friend's house so they can study until Kid E needs to be picked up from the Youth thing that is running over, meanwhile Kid D is just sitting there, staring at the TV in bare feet because he can’t find clean socks, and he doesn’t know where he put his shoes, and you — in a full-out-cartoon-like-rage-sprint (whilst guiding him by the scruff of his neck) — run into his bedroom to show him that his shoes are, in fact, “RIGHT-FREAKING-THERE-WHERE-YOU-FREAKING-LEFT-THEM” and then you step on a mother-bleeping Lego and fall to the floor screaming like a girl on fire?

Anyway, math is dumb, and I’m getting rid of XBOX.

Y'all clean your rooms.